


As The World Falls Down

by 48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Dysphoria, Enemies to Enemies, M/M, Sarah is out of grad school by the time this fic kicks off, Toby will be mentioned but not the focal point, Trans Male Character, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, adult characters, disjointed mess, future tagging mostly for context, idk if that's a tag but it's like levelling up in enemies, some deadnaming because this is partially a coming out fic, this is more an emotionally driven thing than plot but it is what it is, trans sarah williams, ventfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28234260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue/pseuds/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue
Summary: Sarah faces more than he bargained for when trying to face his own personal demons.Jareth has issues with having his power curtailed in any fashion and is seeking to fix that despite being constrained by Fae Logic and Nitpicking Rules in the Most Roundabout Way Possible.
Relationships: Jareth/Sarah Williams
Comments: 13
Kudos: 10





	1. Smells Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Some of this is gonna be disjointed and I'm not sure if I want to make Sarah's name Seanan, Salem, Sal or Sawyer.
> 
> But I'm leaning heavily towards Seanan or Salem.
> 
> Although he might just keep his name. I just wasn't sure how much I was gonna have Jareth use dysphoria also as a weapon for manipulation and emotional stuff tied to that yet.
> 
> In other news this fic is Fae Folk are cool with gender as a concept but still Supreme Assholes anyway and that turns into being jerks about gender because while they can't lie, they sure as hell can be Creatively Awful.

In the nightmare, Sarah runs.

It is a familiar dream, one he's had for years now. Ever since the labyrinth, and even before.

Running from a double of himself, everything he tried to be but isn't, running from the girl in a dress that didn't fit right and the hair he grew long because that's what you're supposed to do, that's the role you play, even if it felt too heavy and too much and like one more piece of an act Sarah couldn't quite keep together.

Like Sarah is an actor in a play but the script is always something else and the costumes never were convincing to pass muster.

Sarah runs through a hall of mirrors, mocking laughter and whispered assurances that this is all there is, because he isn't brave enough to be who he could be, if maybe he tried harder. If maybe he wasn't so afraid of being seen for exactly who he is, because no one ever looked at him like he was worth it, anyway, and he can't bear to let people in and see him because he isn't sure he can keep them out where it matters.

This is his. It has always been his, and selfishly, maybe, Sarah wishes he could keep it to himself if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the double life, the double standards, knowing exactly how much some people would still see through him and not listen and Sarah knows he could handle it, maybe, even if he prefers to pretend people see through him for other reasons.

Sarah is used to being seen for what they need to be and not who they are. In some ways, it felt safe and not comfortable, not at all, but familiar and rote and carefully cultivated.

In some ways, taking on the labyrinth had been safer and easier.

  
(And yet it wasn't. Because, for all the ways the Goblin King and his kingdom held no power over Sarah now, some part of him knows he lets him have a sliver of power that could grow into something else, something greater than the personal monster Sarah keeps tucked close to his heart and fluttering under his ribcage and stowed under the bed.

Some part of him knows exactly what temptation was laid out before him.

Some part of Sarah knows the exact game Jareth wanted to play, seeing how far he could stretch Sarah's willingness to fight him to see which of them would bend or break.)

And Sarah knows he's watching, waiting, that he never stopped because the fae folk don't have to wait, and they certainly do not forget or set free the ones that got away. Not if they can find a way to trap them back in the web.

Which is why, when Sarah's nightmare bleeds into something else, and Sarah wakes up from the same hallways and same face staring back, age 9 and 12 and fourteen and 18, only to throw the covers off his bed and make his way to the dresser and to try and calm his breathing, that it isn't a surprise when Jareth is there, watching from the window, sitting on Sarah's windowpane without a care in the world.

(Jareth maintains he can only come in with permission.

Sarah doesn't remember giving it, but Jareth's definition and Sarah's own have always varied by a large margin, because Jareth thinks the the things you wish in your heart but don't necessarily want to become real, the things you pray for and wish and crave but don't really want because a dream and reality and consequences are very different things, are largely interchangeable.)

He always knows how to slither in when Sarah doesn't want to be alone with himself, and part of Sarah hates himself for the loneliness and the wanting.

"Bad dreams again?" He asks, casual as you please. Like the very sound of his voice, and the calm Sarah doesn't want it to bring, and the infuriating expectation that he somehow calls the shots despite pretending to the contrary, doesn't make Sarah hate him ever more.

Dreams and nightmares were Jareth's bread and butter, his realm, so to speak, and he always exuded a different kind of power that Sarah could rebuff, but always felt off-balance trying to get as far away from as possible.

"Get out." Sarah answers. Curt and raw and tired.

(He is so tired of fighting so many different things.)

Jareth leaves, for now.

(He'll return the next time Sarah wakes up in a cold sweat trying to pretend he isn't tugging at his hair and trying not to hyperventilate and trying, trying to figure out how to make his skin fit and not feel like a prison.)


	2. never gonna die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'd be lying if i knew where this fic was going but that doesn't mean i don't have thoughts about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the essay i wanted to write about the ballroom scene but it has the core of what matters and also this is my self indulgent ventfic reimagining and i do what i want... which is true for all my fic but the point still stands
> 
> chapter title a song by starbenders
> 
> tw: this got weirdly heavy without me intending to, so dysphoria stuff and other not nice not chill bad intrustive thoughts that would be more subtle and nuanced for the meta I want to write but it's 1:30 am so this is just what it is. also jareth is a creepy asshole but that's canon so *shrugs*

Sarah knows he was looking for something. He just can't remember what.

Or who.

\--

And he knows that something is wrong. Outside pressure, maybe, to be what others want, manifesting in this new state where he feels half alive and half not.

Like, if he can play the part people see him as, be a woman and not a man that no one sees, maybe the pain will go away. Maybe if he's the perfect picture of femininity, fully realized, dressed to the nines like a shield, in the passing fancies of someone who chose this for the "her" they fashioned his armor into, the thoughts will fade.

Maybe he won't feel out of place.

(He knows the truth, though, that it's a passing thought, not wanted, not asked for, just another manifestation of other people's wants bearing down on him from all sides.)

Maybe he won't feel the suffocating pressure backing him into a corner, hemming him inside a circle that's growing tighter and tighter, like an invisible noose he can't shake, with all the peering faces peeking in like he's an animal in a zoo.

(He doubts it. He more than doubts it. You can't feel powerful or free, when people are making the choice for you. When it feels less like a choice, and more like a threat. Like you are a doll, in other people's eyes, discarded as needed and shaped like clay to what they want, if they hold any measure of power over you.)

Especially with Jareth's hands digging into his shoulder, too hungry, too certain, too possessive-

And the hand around his waist that feels more predatory than anything else, like he's a caught animal that Jareth hasn't seen fit to let go.

(Sarah doesn't remember how he got here. And that, in and of itself, says it all.)

\--

Sarah was looking for something.

He wishes he could remember what, or who.

And the clock is ticking down, making his heart fit to burst, and he doesn't know how to remember.

How to not feel like time is running on empty, without knowing which way is up.

(And even before the panic struck, and the clock rung out, Sarah could see the smile in Jareth's eyes, for all the ways he thinks he has Sarah caught.

For all the ways he strings up his web, and acts like it's a kindness.

For all the ways he's mocking the way his body is a prison and he's chosen to decorate, to make Sarah squirm.)

\--

Sarah knew people thought he was a freak, or too much trouble to worry about when wrapped up in their lives and needs and what they demanded of him.

That's why he shied away and kept to himself, aside from enjoying his own solitary company.

And yet, even here, somehow he still didn't fit in this place for something that wasn't quite human, either.

(Even here, they call him selfish, for wishing things were fair and just- and not a mindgame, a deathtrap, another kind of rigged cruelty pretending to be some kind of equal exchange.)

(If Jareth could grant Sarah his dreams, it would all be different. Sarah would stand in his place, fully realized, with the power and authority to not care, inhabiting a body that didn't feel so much like a cage.)

(Sarah tries not to begrudge his own limits. He tries to be good to himself. He tries to accept things as they are. But if there are no limits, if anything could be what he wanted, then he would not choose any of this.

His dreams would be beyond imagining.

His dreams would be something even he could not expect, because all the things he wants are buried so deep he can't even unlock them, because they've been pushed down so long they might as well not exist.)

(He wonders if Jareth knows what he really wants, and gives him this perversion, this other kind of torture, with the caveat it's a gift, it's supposedly what he wants, just to drive the nails of all the despair in deeper. Just to make Sarah drown more, in all the ways he didn't know how to contemplate what exactly was wrong.)

(Sarah thinks, if this was my dream, I wouldn't be lonely. My friends would be here. And I'd be out on the open sea, free, able to see the horizon with nothing holding me back. Maybe a pirate king or a knight or something else, something noble and honest and unashamed.

Something that let him breath, and hide inside a shell if he still wanted to, for all the ways people tried to claw him out of it by force.)

\--

Maybe he is looking for something who wasn't quite a man, who knew what he really wanted. Who said he'd give him his dreams but only gave back distorted nightmares, and maybe Sarah wanted him to give them back.

Because for all the things Jareth claimed, giving Sarah what he deems his dreams wasn't really something he could manifest.

(And if he did, it would be different.)

(If he did, this place would be a more insidious trap, and not one like Jareth was trying to corral him into a different kind of submission.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted part of this to be like, when you aren't sure if you are jealous of someone else because they have something you want, or you just don't like them because they are a specific kind of awful to you specifically, but also the dysphoria thing where like, you're not sure you are latching on to something because you're attracted to it, or trying to mimic some kind of vibe even though it doesn't vibe with you and it's more an aesthetic thing, or because it's like when you wear clothes that are the opposite of euphoria inducing and like, cause dysphoria but you dressed up so hard you dissociate
> 
> i have no clue if any of that made sense though


	3. teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by 8 graves
> 
> this was supposed to be it's own section and now it is, but it's just dialogue without much else because that's all I got

"Wouldn't it be easier, if you could fit what everyone wanted you to be?"

"I doubt that would be a life worth living."

"It could be. If you wanted it."

"I don't."

"Then consider my questions moot. I do not wish to be a source of ire, Sarah. Your wish is my command."

"I'm not asking you for anything."

"Can I not give you another, more palatable gift?"

"You wouldn't know how to give it without making it means to gain a hold over me."

"That's a highly pessimistic and uncharitable view-"

"And you are not quite charitable. I am not a liar."

"Nor am I."

"But you would like to be, wouldn't you?" Sarah challenges.

Jareth's smile is all teeth, and no mirth.

"On the contrary. Lying is hardly worth it, and a lazy mortal's solution to something more hard won. No, Sarah... when you come to me of your own accord, it will be because you have seen I have only ever spoken the truth. You don't quite like looking at it so closely, so sure you can delude yourself. But I know better. And I will make you see it, too."

\--

"You could learn to want what I am willing to give you."

"I don't think I want to."

"So you say. Yet... you do say it so very often, boy."

\--

"You tried to trap me with something else-"

"Again with the claims of trickery. You challenged my labyrinth, Sarah. You accepted my terms of engagement. And if you think my methods of trapping you in a dream you constructed were some kind of torture on my part, I can assure you- the only thing keeping you trapped was you, yourself. You're the one trying to fit into the box because you can't bear to give the real part of yourself up. You're the one who filled your dreams with ballrooms and masks and strangers so you could bury yourself even deeper. You misunderstand what this is, Sarah. You always have. You claim I am cruel, unfair, selfish. Yet all it is that I offer you is what I can, as someone who cares. All I'm asking is that one day you trust me enough to let me see you, really, without any terms or conditions, the way we both know I have always been willing to see. They don't accept you. But I do. I always have. I see you, Sarah. Even when you'd prefer I didn't. Can anyone else say the same? But if you want to keep up the ruse, the front, keep your heart and soul barred so no one can reach it- that I can give you, too. You can keep up all the masks you like. But some part of you wants to let go, and be free. And part of you wants to submit to me, to hand yourself over. Part of you wants both. I can give you that, Sarah. You have that power. I will love you and keep you with no other conditions than you let me give you everything and more-"

"If I fear you. If I become yours. If I throw everything else away because I decide reality is a lost cause and you are the only escape. No, Jareth. What kind of comfort you think I might want would never be fulfilled by what you'd ask of me. No matter what you claim to the contrary."

"You spit on my generosity, Sarah, and act as if I am trying to entrap you, when all I want is to give you what you need-"

"No. I think you can lie, Jareth. I think you lie in every way that matters. And the worst part, is it isn't a lie to you, because you believe it. That's the trick, isn't it? Something isn't a lie if you wholeheartedly think something is true no matter what concrete evidence remains, because you don't have to play by anyone's rules but your own and the ones laid down by the realm and the power it grants you. You're the one Fae King who can lie because you think the truth and lies and dreams and wishes and needs are all the same."

"Perhaps I am not the only one." Jareth answers, too easily, eyeing Sarah up and down. "And maybe that's why you know-"

"Don't-"

"Maybe it's why you've never gotten away. Because you're lying to yourself as much as I am."

"I'm not a child anymore, Jareth. That won't work on me-"

"Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe you see things so plainly, so desperate make things fair and right, that the truth hangs you by the throat anyway. The truth is your sword and you always were sharp enough to cut yourself with it. And that is always why you'll need me. Why you'll never get away. Because what you want, really, is to have me, and everything else, and for it all to fall into place, and to not have to make the hard decisions any more. For someone to take care of you, and give you what you wish, and to not feel like you're living in your own shadow any more."


	4. Mm Whatcha Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm just gonna leave this here
> 
> do i know what it is?
> 
> nope
> 
> this is wippy and im gonna edit it to be something but for now it's two plot points and some notes to myself to get the ball rolling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway this entire fic can be summed up as "I've connected the dots" "you haven't connected shit" "I've connected them"
> 
> anyway here's an essay on all the things i will likely fail to make clear while I try to make the plot go brrrrr:
> 
> Look, labyrinth is an incredibly flawed movie. but it is near and dear to my heart as a b movie.
> 
> and it's not that deep.
> 
> but it's so ambiguous and mired in it's own symbolism and ambiguity that there is so much ground to dig.
> 
> like, you want to see it as a coming of age fantasy about navigating stuff in a way ppl can click with because it ain't that subtle? checks out
> 
> you want to see it as a subversion of typical fantasy roles and archetypes? also checks out
> 
> you want to see it as a coming of age trans fic with all the things about being trans buried under it six feet deep? i sure as hell do and this is my mission in this fic
> 
> anyway, here are my disorganized bullet points for this fic:  
> -step mother mad at Sarah for not being available for her needs and forcing sarah into parental roles while demanding obedience from a child? it comes with the territory but can also be a means for showing how because sarah doesn't fit what ppl want sarah to be that he has pressure put on him to conform or do what is needed, also got some contradictions with possible gaslighting if sarah is a reliable narrator and the stepmother ain't in their discussions  
> -escapism in general. like, becoming someone else and dissociating so hard because you don't even have language for what makes you feel disconnected.  
> -sarah resenting caregiving role and hating it? check. sarah resenting not knowing how to escape life and the parameters it sets out and not being able to see through literal "walls" when going through the labyrinth and not knowing what questions to ask?  
> -sarah wanting things to be fair but not knowing how to equalize things or how to gain agency or to name what is going on and contextualize it? also, like sarah can be entitled but ppl are allowed to be?  
> -jareth being predatory and also his style can both be a window to how something you are looking for when escaping can also put you in danger because you don't have a frame of reference for how to be safe in a situation you were never prepared for, also jareth acting like sarah, still a child, wishing for something hypothetically is binding and literal is predatory on so many levels, and then victim-blaming for that, when sarah was just venting in a life he had no other outlets from.  
> -the push-pull of sexuality being around but also not direct has so many options. like, the peach and date rape isn't subtle, but the fae contrast is also an idea of like, hypersexualization and breaking free of being seen as a child but equating adult stuff to sexuality, which can be incredibly distressing for ace and trans folks anyway, but also pressuring because a lot of the community is part of that or only accessible in situations with drinking/sex for ppl because of how queer culture is sanitized/censored if you don't know how to find it at a certain age because of compulsive heterosexuality  
> -also all that glitter is separate symbolism on it's own anyway, that's a sidenote, but sarah knowing he isn't straight and knowing he is part of the community but having no access in a rural environment with no support systems or language to talk about it but being drawn in and not knowing why? not knowing if this is attraction or something else entirely or envy or just latching on to what is familiar from stories because that's how they go?  
> -anyway moving on jareth wants something and the caveat is sarah is supposed to want this. whether or not he does is left to interpretation due to the nature of temptation in the plot, but in my fic you can see it as he doesn't want it, but he's been told this is how things go. this is what you want. this is what is expected even in these parameters.  
> -the trash goblin, like an anti-trans family member, being like: didn't you like your old stuff? don't you want to be who i saw you as before? don't you want all these empty things you told yourself you liked (or things you did like but saw totally differently), or people infantilizing people growing into adulthood and autonomy for themselves and what they want, and sarah latching on to familiar stuff without wanting the same thing but holding on to how he saw things, also the mom being connected via theatre and stories and grief which is more relevant for point 1  
> -jareth gaslighting being a reference for unhealthy relationships and people preying on the opposite spectrum of narc family members once you escape one situation, both are hyper controlling and mindgames, and how a new community can be as dangerous as the old because people who want things from you don't usually have your best interests in mind and only by keeping power over yourself can you protect yourself from that

"What have you done that's generous?" Sarah asks.

What he really means is, what have you done that you say you have done for me that has not all been in benefit to you?

How much of your generosity is circular, because you see me as an object to possess?

\--

"What? Don't be silly. Sarah, I'm not looking at you any differently. Although I can see why you'd have reservations," Toby laughs, and tries be reassuring with all the old inside jokes Sarah used to tell, as a means to calm his older brother's nerves, "Don't worry. I promise, I'm not going to go, 'I wish the goblin king would take my brother away,' okay?"

\--

Jareth does, in fact, whisk Sarah away.

(The wording was very specific.)

\--

The thing that's special about Sarah is, he tells stories. And he can make them into something more.

He has power in the realm that isn't his own.

He can mold so many things.

And Jareth wants that.

Exiled as he is, kept in check by rules and regulations that grate and chafe, he wants Sarah to be his.

And he's going to use that skill, that finesse, that ability Sarah doesn't even know he has, even as he tries to make Sarah see, that molding himself into what Jareth wants is what is best for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will my ability to write more of my jjk main fic come back from war 
> 
> i just want to finish chapter 8 of identity. it's not that hard. it needs maybe 5 paragraphs max.
> 
> does it come to me, after two weeks of staring at it, or any other chapter in it?
> 
> nope.
> 
> i'm gonna go back to watching b movies.


	5. Slip (wip)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing to see here but me failing to write a coherent chapter and frantically trying not to forget important things I thought about but didn't write today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by elliot moss

"Your task is not the same, Toby. You don't get to parrot words from the tale your brother told you and think that is that. Every challenge is different. You did not need to reach my castle to call your brother back. You promised to run my labyrinth- and run it you shall. And if you don't run it in it's entirity before time runs out, well... I am sure you know the rest."

\--

"I had no power over you, after you defeated my labyrinth. But now that you are wished away, and not the runner, that victory means very little. There are new rules, when it's a new challenge. And I have all the power I need, to get what I wish. All you need to see is that I can give you your heart's desire, too. We all can win here, give or take. I do not want you to suffer needlessly."

\--

"You know the rules, Sarah. You eat of the food of the fae, and no mortal food will sate you again. Do you really think you get to go home, even if your little brother somehow succeeds in his quest?"

\--

"You cannot claim I didn't give you ample time to think about it, when I've stopped the clock."

\--

"It's your choice. You can eat the fruit or not. But if you don't, Toby will die in my labyrinth."

\--

"I don't need you to love me, Sarah. I'd prefer it. But if it's between having you love me or not having you at all, then I will take the option that guarantees your place at my side, whether you would will it or no. Stay with me, of your own will- your own choice. Save your brother. Save yourself. And I will give you everything. All you need to do is choose me."

**Author's Note:**

> this is experimental but I really want to figure out why the ballroom scene and just the discussions and sarah's arc in labyrinth still give me weird vibes
> 
> also I just really want to examine how you can identify with fictional stories and latch on to them in a maladaptive way and how those connect to bodily dissociation and can interact with dysphoria but idk if my ideas and thoughts are too abstract and vague to make sense for this but i don't care this is my ventfic and i do what I want  
> \--


End file.
